Short excerpts from the Confessions of an Aggrieved teacher

It was raining out. 

Drip,drip. Fuck, Man it was pisssssing it down. 8pm. I was late. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck. That helped. I looked at my watch. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck. And walked to the rhythm. A child had called, a little cretin of a whelp, saying he wanted 'lethons', get some teeth.

I could hear his dad in the background, breathing like an overweight frog, urging him on in his first TELEPHONE conversation, while I fucked around trying to make out what the little brat was saying.

'Sooo would you like some lessons then?'

'Say yes Andrey, say yes' papa urged now in deep elated frog breath.

'Oook tuesday 8.30 it is'

I managed to squeeze in 'you little prat' just after slamming my finger on the red button.

And here I was, body and soul, urging to whack something, waiting to teach some little goon named Andi. The idiot-frog opened the door.

 'Halooo…'

 I didn't share the enthusiasm although I had to present it.

After all the niceties and traditional offspring parading had been over and done with, I politely
escorted the patriarch frog out of the room as he babbled incoherently about this and that Andi achievement. I told Andi to open the book. He said 'yup'. This puzzled me as he had not used that adverb before. 'Yup' he repeated perkingly. I could not control this dog.

I pushed his fingers roughly on the d string. 'Play', I said roughly. He looked at me fearfully. I looked at him menacingly, and gnarled. 'No CLOSE your hand'

'Yup!'

I could not take this for long. My eyes averted to a thin knife then to his dad and the tenner his hand cradled. I would have to deal with this later.

I decided then to treat him as a new specie, and in my next lessons much would be learnt about how to control this particular breed. As I left the house I said 'see you next week'?
Yup Fucking, yup.

Blade on a C

Today, I rollerbladed to my lessons. And not out of choice. My Black beauty, my amour,my combustion joy was ripped from my heart by two Umbro garbed ferrets who hopefully slipped and died whilst peppering cannabis on their omelettes.

I arrived unpromptly to my first lesson at exactly 7.38. The pupil in question was a small, goggle-sporting talking mannequin. Let's call him goggles.

We sat down, and he began mannequin-like tinkering the keys whilst I dozed off. Then whilst playing a lullabying f# he turn around to me and with a smile of mirthful insolence said " Has your motorbike been stolen?"

I turned around and slapped him, not once but twice, mainly for insubordinance.

I wish. I turned around and lightly tapped the keys saying quietly "go on". He saw my fingers shake and decided to carry on.  I resumed my sleepy demure when suddenly out of the corner of sleepy eye 1 I spotted something move on the couch, it looked like a towel. I pinched myself then pinched goggles to check I was still awake, and then the towel wailed. I got up and started to encircle the couch thinking I had gone cuckoo due to my bereavement.

I touched the towel to see if it would bite, and it did, whilst the camouflaged foundling behind it snickered at its combative utility.

Twas a babe, just a babe. I turned around to check on goggles and found him examining the C to check if it was indeed, a C.